Solitude

I think its time to start thinking about solitude now. It will probably happen anytime soon and I guess it's just how the way things are supposed to be.

Will miss you...

Recommended Watch

I recommended very very very few things and the following is one of them:

Gone Baby Gone starring Case Affleck.


I was very impressed with Casey Affleck's portrayal of his character and Ben Affleck's directing. Do watch it if you get a chance.

Why?

Why do all relationships turn sour? Why is that things that are so rosy in the beginning die out in the later stages? Why is that the hope of things remaining good throughout just remains a hope? Why is so difficult to get out of the relationship when you know that it isn't working anymore? Why cant things change for the better?

You tried...I tried...it still does not make a difference...

You say I'm never there for you...I'm trying to make it different now...I ask for certain things so that we can be in a different place..Why do you think that I'm demanding?

I've given up on believing that true love really exists...There is no such thing as soulmate...There is no companionship...It's all a mirage

Love/Sex..The American and the Indian Way

This actually struck me when I was watching ‘Wedding Crashers’…of all movies, I know…This might get a little confusing..so bear with me…

We always compare the Indian culture to the American culture and always think that the Indian culture is the best and that the American culture does not compare even close to it…We believe that sex before marriage is taboo whereas in the American way of life, it is just normal; something that is going to happen no matter what..An Indian guy most of the time wants a virgin and if she isn’t, then oh damn, all hell breaks loose…I have seen relationships break over this and just fail to understand that what the fk are they even thinking…it is ok for guys to sleep with how many ever they want to but it isn’t for a girl because she has to have her hymen intact when she is married to whoever she marries..of course there are exceptions to what I am saying..but isn’t this hypocrisy? How is it fine for a guy to be able to sleep with anyone before marriage but not really fine for a girl? This may definitely seem strange and weird coming from a guy but it’s the truth isn’t it?...and no, I am NOT gay…

So in that case, American guys are more acceptive of the fact that their gf’s and wives are not virgins and they just don’t care because they know that that’s how things are…They eventually fall in love with the person and give a damn about his/her past sexual experience because of the acceptance that it was going to happen anyways…However, in the Indian way of life why does it sometimes be so hard to accept that he or she would have had a sexual past and that is just part of being in a relationship..

Therefore, isn’t true love about accepting him/her for who she is and whatever be the case? Then in that instance, doesn’t the American culture seem to be better than the Indian culture because of the easier acceptance factor? Can’t we say that American guys are probably truer partner/companions/lovers than Indian guys because they can accept the female and her past as is because it is part of her?

Things are definitely changing now where both, Indian guys and girls are becoming more acceptive of their partner's past but one cannot deny the fact that still most of the Indian guys are not really that acceptive.

I DO NOT INTEND TO STIR UP ANY CONTROVERSIES BASED ON WHAT I WRITE. THIS IS IN NO WAY DEGRADING ANY INDIAN BECAUSE THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS TO EVERYTHING. I AM JUST LOOKING AT THINGS IN A CERTAIN WAY.

V-day...

I know it’s a late for this posting but nevertheless it’s pretty damn interesting and weird...

Courtesy Rediff…

“Some Bajrang Dal activists even forced few couples to apply sindoor or tie rakhis at some places.

Justifying their actions, Bajrang Dal's media in charge Vinod Bansal said, "In many cases, the guys were just indulging in immoral acts, in the name of Valentine's Day. We wanted them to at least express their sincerity and give their commitment. While many refused, some agreed to the sindoor ritual”

Are you seriously bloody kidding me??? These guys don’t want to accept westernization but when/if they are in power and if westerners come to them with loads of revenue to start a business venture or something, then tho they will be the first to kiss their feet...Damn, is it just me or these guys are really hypocrites??? Who the hell are they to dictate to someone to apply sindoor or tie a rakhi???

“Speaking on the occasion, Jai Bhagwan Goel, chief of the party's north India unit, said there are umpteen number of Indian festivals like Holi, Diwali, Id and Raksha Bandhan to express feelings of love, unity and brotherhood”

Yeah like on rakhi or holi or diwali, the chumma chaati was going to be fine with them…Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way American or anything but cmon this is definitely a little too extreme…Youngsters (in India that is) can probably be a lil restrictive on PDA’s (Public Display of Affection), or go to places where there would mostly be youngsters, mainly because the older generation is not use to this and hence may take offense to it but still, the rakhi n sindoor is just unnecessary…If people want to express their love publicly on v-day then so be it…if they want to go out and have a good time then so be it too…who the hell are these activists to decide who can and cannot do something?? So much for letting the country remain democratic…

Back Home...

Finally, after travelling for most of the last 4 weeks, I am back home…I did get to see San Jose (again) and then Atlanta and Alpharetta, GA…Sadly I didn’t get to explores the places that much cos of work…It does feel good to be back home...It’s damn relaxing…especially after the kind of work that I have had to do...I’ve just been playing catch up the last few days...Strangely, nothing much seems to have changed…The next module for my MBA has started and it sure is one hell of a killer…Not so much of being difficult or anything but it is just so time consuming...I just don’t understand how some students work and study at the same time..hat’s off to you guys…I sure as hell am doing it cos I have to but if I didn’t need to, I wouldn’t be even posting right now…I would’ve been on my 360 kicking some Halo alien ass…aaarrrggghhh!!!

Travelling

I’m typing out this while on my flight back from San Jose to NJ. This whole week I was there as I had to attend a conference regarding a couple of technologies I work with. Well, it was supposed to be something that I should have taken seriously but after the first day, I realized that I expected something but got something else and there I lost my interest in the whole thing. It wasn’t a total waste of money as such because some of the sessions were really helpful and I did get something out of it. I don’t know what the heck im typing…The timing difference between jersey and California first of all messed up my schedule for everything. Sleeping, eating, waking up and sleeping again..i am deadbeat at the moment but I can’t sleep on the flight right now. They are showing 'Dan in Real Life', maybe I shall watch that…

Anti-Social

I used to love having people around me all the time. Be it friends, family or just strangers, it didn't matter as long as there was someone around me. The noise, activity, conversations etc. kind of gave me a sense of belonging that despite me knowing someone or not, I was still somebody in the presence of somebody else. All that has changed so much in the last few years. Ever since I moved to NJ, over time I have become socially reclusive and now, the lonelier I am, the more at peace I am.

Thinking about what may have brought about that change, I realized that a lot had to do with just adjusting over here. When I joined college over here, it was a culture shock to me. I was not aware or familiar with the concept of having different classes at different times, in different buildings with different people. Trying to mingle with crowd was difficult because I had nothing in common as such and everything seemed so alien to me. I did not have much to say as such in any conversation because most of the time the conversations were only related to bf’s/gf’s/clubbing especially with the ABCD crowd. Secondly, one thing I noticed in an ABCD crowd is that there were almost never any FOB’s in it. FOB’s were always viewed differently and hence the FOB’s usually isolated themselves from the ABCD’s. The movie ‘Where’s the party yaar’ is exactly what I saw and went through in college. Of course this doesn’t happen all the time but this was what I noticed when I was in college.

I related a lot with the few FOB’s that existed in the college that I went to. Usually people from India come here to do their masters and hence most of the time, most of the people in the program are FOB’s and hence making friends again is not that difficult. Then you have roommates etc. I joined the university in a Bachelor’s program and I used to live 10 minutes away from college. There was no reason to dorm or anything as such and hence the roommate experience was also absent. Slowly over time, I just got used to the fact that maybe over here there might not arise an occasion where I could once again belong to a circle of friends. I made a lot of acquaintances along the way but was never able to make any good friends as such.

Another drawback that has resulted because of this is that now, whenever I go back home and we friends do hang out, I feel like a stranger among them too. I can’t relate to most of the conversations because it most of the time involves something that I am so not familiar with. I guess I have just grown apart from them because all of them remained back home and are living lives that are intertwined in some way or the other whereas I just come and go. There is nothing common between them and me anymore and I wonder whether in the end, all of this is really worth it. I came here, got a great education, have a good home (with parents of course), got a decent job…but at the expense of what?

A cousin of mine just moved here too. He is still in high school though. However, I do see some of the things; I went through, happening with him. He feels like an outcast here and is slowly growing apart from his friends back home. He is still in high school though, which might give him an advantage in terms of having the possibility of eventually making a decent friends circle before he hits college. Else, he is eventually going to just become just another me. Lonely and socially reclusive and when there are opportunities to make friends, you just don’t know what to do or say after a certain point…

All this is just some of the losses on a social side…The losses on the family front is a totally different chapter altogether…All in all I wonder that if I had come here to do my masters and was living away from my parents then would my situation have been different (just in USA that is). Would I have been able to make more friends since I might have been living with a few and hence we might have become a good bunch of friends? Should I have completed my education from India applied for an h-1 from India and then come here, like most of my friends? Maybe I would’ve met a few h-1 people and we would’ve shared something and eventually became good friends…Maybe….just maybe, I would’ve regained my sense of belonging.

P.S.: Sorry for the classifications of ABCD's and FOB's. I wasnt sure of how else to distinguish the two.

A thought on love...

This was basically a response I provided on a blog I've begun reading daily...It so happened that in the process, I realized a thing or two about myself

when you are in love with someone you tend to just ignore or overlook the the bad in the other person only because you feel that with time, you would just get used to it or the other person might change when he/she realizes the actions or behavior or attitude that is/are bad. Sometimes it also happens that when you realize you are in love with someone you are filled with so many emotions that you only want to and will notice all that is good..atleast in the initial phase...probably because you hope and think that the way things are (wonderful n mooshi mooshi n all), they will remain forever and the way the other person is, he.she will remain like this and things will be forever romantic..

It is not until you start living together that you realize that maybe some things are just not easy to deal with or that there are things that are bad within the other person which are not really that easy to overlook or ignore...but by that time you have already made that decision that "i will love the person no matter what" because thats what love is all about..true..love is blind but then if you start trying to see things first you may not land up being with the someone you truly love...you love someone first and then you learn to deal-with/compromise with certain things about/with that person...if you start thinking and assessing things in the beginning itself then maybe you may not land up being with that someone at all...

love at first sight...lets take it for example..

when you fall in love, at first sight..you have no clue about anything about that person..you love only for one reason...love...
in the beginning itself if you start thinking, oh this person is like this and this person is like that..i cant deal with this and that then you aren't really loving someone as such..you are basically trying to see if you can "live" together...the compromise portion should ideally come later because it could test your love and relationship and help you realize how much your willing to give up or put into a relationship...

therefore..yes it ideal to have a balance in determining the good and bad in a person...but based on that you cant really make a decision as such...because if you love..then love no matter what...

Hopefully no one went through this...

A young couple are madly in love with each other and have been going out for several years now.

The girl's parents disapprove of the guy and constantly keep pressuring her to not see him anymore.

Finally, not being able to take it anymore, the girl decides to break up with her boyfriend.

One rainy night on their way back from dinner, she tells him that she cannot see him anymore and does not want to stay in touch with him.

He, not understanding where this is coming from, just silently hears her out as she explains why.

Finally they reach her home and she returns the ring he gave her. She starts to open the door to head out ...when he asks her to hold on.

He gathers up some strength and pull out a piece of paper and starts scribbling something on it.

He hands it over to her and tells her to open it only after he is gone. She silently takes it and starts walking towards her door.

He starts the car and slowly starts to drive away.

She turns around after a moment only to realize that he has stopped a little ahead in the distance.

He, not being able to bear what had just happened, had stopped because the unstoppable tears made it difficult for him to see the road ahead in the rain.

She stands there for a minute hoping he would eventually drive away. He doesn't.

All of a sudden, she can hear a faint whistle in the distance and begins to worry. She keeps calling his phone...but he doesn't answer..

Within seconds, the whistle grows louder.

Before he can actually realize what is going on....there is a deafening crash.

Metal strewn all over the place and slowly blood starts to spread on the ground.

She is too shocked to even realize what has just happened.

Medics and fire personnel rush to the spot. After a while they come back and inform her that its extremely difficult to pull out the body that has been crushed in-between the metal.

She refuses to believe that something has happened to him.

She keeps calling out to him, hoping he will come out and start walking towards her.

Her cries grow louder and louder but to no avail.

Just then she realizes that he had given her a note with something written on it.

She pulls it out of her coat and opens it to realize..

He wrote
"Without You Sweetheart...
I cease to exist..."

Finance vs. Marketing

Finally, after months of deliberation, I've made up my mind that I want to go down the marketing track in my MBA program. I do love numbers a lot and finance should have been the obvious choice but I'd like to believe that I am creative up to a certain extent and would definitely like to explore that route in my career.

I wonder what's in store...

Gauri - the unborn...

Just finished watching this movie...2 hours of my life wasted and not to mention the money wasted behind the meds required to treat my headache...

No idea what the director or writer or producer were thinking when they decided to proceed with this project..we sure do have some people back home who have a lot of money to waste...

A fresh Start...

No idea what got into me actually..I decided to finally blog again..The last stint lasted a few months way back in 2002/03 and then I just got bored of having to type something or the other...

Now after all these years, the loneliness of being in the US of A coupled with the never-ending events that take place everyday made me realize that maybe bringing it out might just be satisfying in some way...lets c...

time will tell...